Talk:Hey, whats up?/@comment-8021521-20140901044128
UGGGHHHHHHHH, Im awful, just awful. I havent repented and grabbed Satan by his balls like i said i would, I keep annoying my mom, Im starting to become mean and negative like i used to be, the only time when i cry is when i feel sorry for myself, i feel so full of pride, I dont wanna admit to anything i did wrong, URGGHH! I HATE MYSELF! And im starting to hate my life. And i dont have many reasons to! I have a bed to sleep in, clothes to wear, food to eat, i should be greatful, but because im so freaking selfish im not! Theres something im angry about that i dont NEED to be angry about: A colder snowy winter. I know its August 31, and it will take weeks and weeks to cool down, and tomorrow is only September 1, and winter is still quite a few months away, but theres this special place me and my mom wanted to move to, And..we dont have the money, and we have a crappy car. I just hate it so much. This is exactly what it was like before i came to know God, but Satan loves to drag me away. U guys and melo have given me great advice, but i have yet to take it.. I guess cause 4 some reason im scared? IDK, Im just so angry at myself, and at everything. And OOH... When i hear some annoying sound like a swallow, or when my mom says "Shh! Im trying to watch this" I WANNA PUNCH SOMEONE'S LIGHTS OUT!!!! I just dont get why for a while, a long while, i was so close to God, and now.. Im so far away. Im sorry i keep making these pointless rant type things, its just... AGGHHH IDK!! UGH! I have no idea what to do anymore, i wish i had more strength to go to God, but for some reason.. For the first time, im like terrified to talk to him. And before anyone says its because of hormones...please dont say it. I know ive made that clear sooo many times, And i mean to say it in the nicest way possible, but im so used to hearing people in real life say "Its just hormones, sweetie" ITS NOT JUST HORMONES!!! THE DEVIL IS MESSING WITH ME!!! And yeah, i know i should stop saying the hormones or devil thing, i know everyone makes mistakes, and that it isnt always hormones or the devil. And yeah some people dont believe in the devil..but..just.. Ugh. Im just so confused, and i have no reason to be. Ive really messed myself up... Big time. I just wish... (And i am not trying to say i wish i could be perfect, cause nobody is. Im fully aware that not everybody can always be nice) but, seriously, when i stop praying, when i start being mean and negative again, When the suicidal and self harm thoughts start coming back, and many other things, then im pretty sure its a little more than a mistake. I JUST wanna be nice, or try to be nice, For most of the time, to handle things in a proper way, Cause i know that is at least something good i can be, And God wants me to be nice, And its also cause i used to be so negative, and everybody told me i was, So when i start to act negative again, I freak out, dont know what to do, AND I FEEL LIKE HURTING MYSELF. I also wanna pray, but, im failing at that too... Im sorry i keep bringing my stupid problems on you guys, I should keep my problemas to myself, i just... Am so frustrated that i dont know where to turn anymore.. And i tried to take A LITTLE bit of ur advice, but, i didnt try hard enough. I feel like im failing myself, other people, and God, i feel like im falling down a ditch, and cant stop myself..and i have no idea why... Siiigghhh.